Wicked Love

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wicked love

it´s too bad letting go
is not pretending it´s not there
at the same time
being afraid
isn´t facing my own fear
I turn inside
and my internal voice
is a savage
hurting me
beyond my
emotional
baggage

and that´s me
making me feel
like a victim
doing all sorts of
things just to
trick him
eating and drinking
cause´his voice
is so sickening

telling me that I can´t
I´m not even good enough
to write this rant
telling me that I Should
a burden
that closes off the
path to my Will
and all the things I Could
until I don´t know
what I want
even though I Would
if he wasn´t on this
unsupportive mission
keeping me in chains
of constant indecision

for many years
he´s been my best mate
catering for my
inner voice of hate
because he is the
guardian of my
emotional state
a gate keeper
keeping me from
going deeper

to face the pain
that calls upon the reaper

you see, that is my
savage´s wicked love
keeping me down
is to keep me above
the abyss of pain
my heart´s capable of

 

-detonatord

Love transformed

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Love transformed

.

a boy was loved
when his father
hit him hard
so his own love transformed
his heart
standing guard
.

a girl was loved
when her mother
left in spite
her own love transformed
her heart
ready to fight
.

a boy was loved
when his mother
abused him
his own love transformed
his heart
always refusing
.

a girl was loved
when her father
had gin
her own love transformed
she´d let nobody in
.

unable to recognize
that their love was insane
they grew up to be parents
to add to the chain
another generation
of unbelievable pain

.
.

-detonatord

Ancestor Prayer

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Ancestor Prayer

.

thank you

ancestors of wood and stone

I thank you from my heart

because I am never alone
.

thank you

ancestors of water and sea

I offer my tears

and you are purifying me
.

thank you

ancestors of fire and light

as a warrior of peace

I am ready to fight
.

thank you

ancestors of wind and air

because I can breath

there is no need to fear
.

forgive me

my ancestors

relieve me of pain

I know that the tears shed

were never in vain
.

forgive me

my ancestors

repel guilt and shame

and let me remember

from where I came
.

I love you

my ancestors

and Mother Gaia

I love you

Great Spirit

and the quantum field

Maya

.

.
-detonatord

Jack in the box

jack-in-the-box

Jack in the box

.

Jack in the box

was sitting in

my livingroom

smoking

with his hat on the table

always with his head up first

he was wavering

but

now he was stable

looking like he

knew the secrets

of the world

unaware that he

was bleeding

heading towards hell

and still proceeding

forces unforeseen

like jetstreams

of destiny intervening

light of love

it was seeming

was the power

to break the sun

he was beaming

.

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Desire

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in one second

the word is out

the lights blinking

your eyes are twitching

your mouth moves

with a tingling sensation

you lie

.

.and a moment after

a shadow of doubt

.

the high score is

that moment

in between

when all is fine

it’s fine

until it’s gone and

.

I find it unspeakable

the sensation between my thighs

I can’t control it

so I hide

.

I only venture

in my mind

.

how is it

that I feel the freedom inside

bursting out

on the edge

on the edge of fire

like bursting on flames

fire

it rains

.

and I

feel my veins dilate

I am afraid

cause I can’t differentiate

love from

the storm of information

I feel captured in

my own sensation

of desire

I can’t

I am on fire

.

.

.

-detonatord

I have the right

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it is life

running through

my veins

my breath

eagerly into nest moment

which is

nothing-holding-everything

and my palms resting

receiving

aliveness of being

unperfected bliss

like I gave myself

a kiss

 

I couldn´t believe it

how could I resist

to receive it?

I was opposing the chaos

needed to retrieve it

it´s pure love

when I now

am able to perceive it

 

there´s a growing gap

between myself now

and before

I see myself

as those that I adore

I see myself as more

magnificent

to the core

because I am God

writing me

and watching from perspective

I can stop fighting me

I have the light in me

and I don´t have to undo the wrong

to have the right in me

 

 

-detonatord