Orkidé

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Orkidé

eg e en orkidé
og det betyr på mitt språk
eg orker ikke det


eg e så lei av slitet
av å ikkje vite
eg biter
tenna sammen
enda en dag
eg har viljen
selv om den er vag
men no lar eg den sprekke
eg slipper alt
som eg tror eg må rekke
eg har gjort alt
for ikkje å knekke
eg har holdt fast
men no lar eg meg bli
helt vekke
eg må faktisk forsvinne
for å vinne
litt tid
slutte å gjøre meg flid
og være flink jente
eg har rett og slett
ikkje mer å hente
alt det fornuftige
må vente

eg tror de kaller oss
de utbrente
og vi orker ikkje gjøre det
du kan forvente
vi orker ikkje huske det
vi glemte
vi orker ikkje finne det
vi gjemte

og vi gir ikkje opp
men vi til-gir
oss sjøl for å være her
før vi blir
vi tillater oss
å kjøre sakte
før vi skifter gir
vi må gi til oss sjøl
før vi gir
jernet
tar vare på oss sjøl
før vi kan verne
når vi har overskudd
så gir vi
mer enn gjerne

eg glemte ka det vil si
å slappe av
til og med bak dét
var det et krav
eg føler hele livet mitt har vært
en maraton med kav
et uendelig skirenn
med knekt stav
der ingen vinner
og premien er lav
sånn føles det
for eg kjenner ikkje styrken
som det gav
men Rumi sa
vi e havet i én dråpe
ikkje dråper i et hav
og det minner meg om håpet
som eg e laget av

vi gir ikkje opp
men vi til-gir
oss sjøl for å være her
før vi blir
vi tillater oss
å kjøre sakte
før vi skifter gir
vi må gi til oss sjøl
før vi gir
jernet
tar vare på oss sjøl
før vi kan verne
når vi har overskudd
så gir vi
mer enn gjerne


-detonatord

Det same som du

SAMSUNG

Det same som du

 

Vi kan møtast

og sjå kvarandre skine

gjennom

og ut på andre sio

Har du møtt auge

som ikkje flakkar

Har du møtt hjarte

som takkar

deg

i innpust

og utpust

Har du klemt nokon lenge

utan å sleppe først

ute

til å rekkje fram handa

Kjenne du gnisten frå eit anna

menneske

når dei ser deg

ser dei ikkje

det same

som du

 

-detonatord

Cold Case

SAMSUNG

Cold Case

I let myself feel
for as long as needed
even though
my ego is down
feeling defeated
discussion´s heated
inside of me
ego determined
to turn off
the light in me

can´t reach down
with my analyzing mind
it´s exactly what
my emotions hide behind
at the same time
I can´t remember
what I can´t find
and I can´t heal
what I can´t feel

I have to face
something my memory erased
lost in the maze of my own chase for days
not realising it´s a cold case

I let myself feel
for as long as needed
but now I am empty
feeling depleted
stuck in a loop
mistakes are repeated
I can´t remember
what I deleted

and I think that´s why
my feelings are deluded
a painful trauma
my memory excluded
I can´t go on
´cause the only way
is through it
feeling the pain
is the only way
to do it
but I got stuck
in the brain
and I blew it

once again

I have to face
something my memory erased
lost in the maze of my own chase for days
not realising it´s a cold case

 

-detonatord

Every Feeling

SAMSUNG

Every feeling

Is it just a thought
Obstructing my breathing
Or is it a feeling
Pleading with me
To listen in
Can’t be present
When not listening
Honestly
I’m escaping
The fact that I’m faking
With my soul at stake
Every time I take
A shortcut to pleasure
Because I can’t take
The pressure
From
Every emotional concussion

Instead I get
Caught up inside
Internal discussions
Mental repercussions
Calling me back
Telling myself
I’m deserving
of the attack

Purposely
Losing track
Lacking contact
With my true core
Breathing less
Thinking more
Avoiding whatever
My feelings have
In store
Afraid I’ll explode
If I open that door
Or maybe I fear
That I’ll disappear
Dissipating
Cause I can’t
Admit that
I’m hating

I lost the feeling riding it
Abiding by my need to analyse the feed of thoughts, it got me, but emotion is the motion in writing, enlightening is a feeling, of light towards the ceiling, opening the crown sealing, descending down into the veins
Anticipating the moment it gains
weight into every cell
Animating my body’s empty shell
But it’s not about feeling well
It’s about feeling it well
When you allow your Presence
You are honest
In essence
Grief suppressed in your chest masked like being mad
And hate repressed unable to digest
That you are sad
How can you be real now
If you ran from every
Feeling that you had?

 

-detonatord

Maskespillet

strbarm-kopi2

Maskespillet

 

usynlig god flink snill og uskyldig

det er masken som skjuler at eg er ugyldig

tøff og kul hard punk og promiskuøs

eg trodde eg fikk bekreftelse

hvis eg var løs

lå inntil én til

mens hjertet mitt frøs

flink pike forvandlet

til enda en tøs

 

eg spilte ingen rolle

så egoet tok over

eg ville være meg

men fulgte maskespillets lover

ALT for å unngå

sanne følelser

og skam

men no vet eg at

når eg møter det

så skifter eg ham

 

skam e det verste

å gå inn i

og virkelig føle

no tar eg det

med hornene

uten å nøle

eg møter deg på gaten

og begynner å brøle

 

-detonatord

The Labyrinth

alvik

The labyrinth

hate it
neglect your demons
or hide
you decide
half life
or being alive
.
when the door closes
it spirals down
endlessly in circles
and now you´re descending
to the bottom line
to that moment
when you broke your spine
to all that grief
that you left behind
.
you see
how can you get up
when you have no backing
the ground is gone
when your dignity is lacking
.
I looked up instead of in
tried to breath
but the air was too thin
I looked up longing to fly
but wings don´t carry a broken spine
I stopped looking
wanting to die
I looked as though
everything was fine
.
you see
hate it
neglect you demons
or hide
you decide
half life
or being alive
.
and you are not even crying
the pain is so deep
it feels like dying
feel it
feel it now
or you won´t stop lying
feel it
feel your back
and start flying
.

.

-detonatord

Intelligent fools

SAMSUNG

Intelligent fools

.
to me everything looks grey
I don’t buy the black and white
if that’s ok
I’m going to draw a bigger picture
on a red square
be aware
I am no way near
the ending
I can’t talk about the system
without being condescending
the state is removing culture
from the schools
intelligent fools
like you can learn how to live
by numbers
join the dots and fill in the slots
file on que
you know what to do
deliver
sell your liver
be a giver
all that matters in life
is mass production
liposuction
and efficiency
art sucks the economy dry
nobody needs dreamer
who thinks he can fly
into a reality where
taxes don’t exist
where there are no lists of
got to do before tomorrow
where time is infinite
and not borrowed
from a bureaucrat
who joins the dots
files on que
she knows exactly how
to follow the rules
raising intelligent fools
who stop to think creatively
and what we get is
a deprivation of imagination
it’s sucking life out of our society
if we don’t teach kids about art
their mind becomes
a theoretical desert
until their mind is blown by
a sandstorm of reality
you can’t build your life
counting numbers to insanity
life will bring wrinkles
to your vanity
your passion runs dry without
irrigation from your fantasy reserve
and living lifes art is something you deserve

.
.

-detonatord

Waiting

SAMSUNG

Waiting

.

in those minutes waiting

for the train

like I´m alive for the first time

I am

part of a life stream

life´s dream

looking at the stars

created on

a spotted floor

being made

by and by

hundreds of people

and ghosts

reaping what they sow

and the roof is

letting go

of the snow

falling into soft piles

becoming water

melting

like heaven´s daughter

descending

just watching

the dynamics

between

destruction and mending

.
.

-detonatord