Usynlige Arr

sang.JPG

Usynlige Arr

gravde
et dypere hull
verdien min
sank under null
håpet at svartsinn
ble omdannet
til gull
men psyken min
ble presset
til kull

eg ruset meg og festet
fordi eg va nede
bar på stor smerte
men ka sku eg
gjør med det
måtte face´ det
men va ikkje rede

i zen
fant eg glede
men det ble en flukt
i stedet
eg mediterte
men va ikkje tilstede
va smadret
men ingen kunne
se det

ville ha frihet
men kem kunne
gje meg det
kun eg
kunne forandre det
møtte veggen igjen
uten å forvandle det
til styrke
eg trodde det va dét
smerten skulle dyrke

men i stedet
fikk eg
flere arr
som var
ute av syne
prøvde alt
for å bli frisk
men gikk likevel
på trynet

prøvde å takke
mens eg gikk
i oppoverbakke
på flat mark
ikkje bare
tur i en park
tenk positivt
så får du blanke ark
eg døde ikkje
av flere spark
i hodet
av mine egne tanker
som fikk meg
til å tro det
at eg ikkje hadde
flere sjanser
til gode

eg har jaktet
ustoppelig
på det som e sant
helt siden eg følte at
lyset forsvant
sjokket når eg fant
det som bandt meg
et synlig bevis
på det som brant meg
og presset meg
til blodet rant
arret ble synlig
og eg vant
eg e ikkje lenger kull
eg e diamant

 

-detonatord

Every Feeling

SAMSUNG

Every feeling

Is it just a thought
Obstructing my breathing
Or is it a feeling
Pleading with me
To listen in
Can’t be present
When not listening
Honestly
I’m escaping
The fact that I’m faking
With my soul at stake
Every time I take
A shortcut to pleasure
Because I can’t take
The pressure
From
Every emotional concussion

Instead I get
Caught up inside
Internal discussions
Mental repercussions
Calling me back
Telling myself
I’m deserving
of the attack

Purposely
Losing track
Lacking contact
With my true core
Breathing less
Thinking more
Avoiding whatever
My feelings have
In store
Afraid I’ll explode
If I open that door
Or maybe I fear
That I’ll disappear
Dissipating
Cause I can’t
Admit that
I’m hating

I lost the feeling riding it
Abiding by my need to analyse the feed of thoughts, it got me, but emotion is the motion in writing, enlightening is a feeling, of light towards the ceiling, opening the crown sealing, descending down into the veins
Anticipating the moment it gains
weight into every cell
Animating my body’s empty shell
But it’s not about feeling well
It’s about feeling it well
When you allow your Presence
You are honest
In essence
Grief suppressed in your chest masked like being mad
And hate repressed unable to digest
That you are sad
How can you be real now
If you ran from every
Feeling that you had?

 

-detonatord

Integrity

SAMSUNG

INTEGRITY

My serenity
was kindled
through my
hard earned integrity
Learned by severity
Churned in scarcity
of love, thinking I was good
A misinterpreted longing
to be understood
I gave away my power
thinking that I should
give up everything
that could
reveal me
I thought this
denial would
heal me
Feel me
I didn’t know
this way
you could
steal me
Still hiding
when I wanted
you to see me
All the while
I had to
be the one
to free me
Balancing
light and dark
to be me
.
To put up
boundaries
might seem aggressive
A massive change
to your surroundings
They can’t see
the mountain
you are mounting
Your life is up hill
counteracting
past beliefs
And still
for every boundary
you maintain
You’re back is straightened
by the integrity
you gain
.
They say
you shouldn’t have
aggressive behavior
But if you’re lacking
back bone
anger is your saviour
The darkness is there
though under
suppression
Without recognition you might
explode in confession
Or you’re like me
You implode by the pressure
to drown in self loathing
beyond any measure
.
You’re climbing
the ladder
of uncertainty
Life came without
warranty
Guaranteed
you’ve got to
fight for your integrity
But every step
is worth it
Like self worth
you have to birth it
with complete love
For your wildness
turns into the
most incredible kindness

.

-detonatord

Waves

SAMSUNG

Waves
.

I am a wave
And a flashing sword
I am a sage
I obey to no one
But The Lord

The Lord is in me
Pumping in my chest
And my Heart speaks louder now
Louder than the rest

He commands the Victory
Of vast, of endless plains
He surmounts the Fire Horse
Freeing him of chains

He evokes the thunderstorm
The waves of ebb and flow
And he beats the Silent Song
Inside me, when I go
.
.
.

-detonatord

 

The Lord is Great Spirit and Mother Earth, and it does not belong to any religion.

Ordrenekt

SAMSUNG

ORDRENEKT
.

E du en av de som føler deg knekt
fordi du ikkje passer inn og er frøken perfekt?
Eg skal si deg en ting, om en samfunnsdefekt
dette e medias massevoldtekt
En evig propa-ganding som gjør deg uforstandig
Klemmer ut det du har av kreativitet
Klemmer deg gjennom universitet
Til du slutter å tro på forandring
Eg hadde glemt å skape sjøl, då eg la ut på vandring
i livet
Eg kunne ikkje bygge, eg kunne ikkje rive
Eg var indoktrinert i samfunnsregimet

De sier
E du knall i padden, helt pling i bollen
Kem slapp deg ut av fødselskontrollen
Du må endre deg selv for å bli perfekt
Å la være vil fremstå som ordrenekt

Passiv konsumer
Reklame overalt kor eg snur meg
Plakater, som mater meg med redigerte flater
og eg hater meg sjølv i de perfekte rater
Så eg kjøper de produktene som skal gjøre meg vakker
Samme reklame om igjen, den hakker
Til vi føler oss fornøyde, med bøyde nakker
Skrur volumet ned når vi snakker- uten sminke
Forbruket går opp mens selvtilliten minker
Peeler conceeler, raker beina mens gubben kviler, lotion, den healer huden mens du tar på mascara, eyeliner og pudder
Spør gubben om du ser ut som et ludder
han roper, nei, ta på mer
er det en feil her, som eg ikkje ser?
Hårspray, sun-tan og øyenskygge
alt vi gjør for å ikkje føle oss stygge
Lipgloss og glitter, ingen vil pule hårete fitter

Du kjører bare frem når ingen har lært deg å rygge
Du trenger ikkje fem lag med sminke for å oppleve hygge
Kor mange timer om dagen til styling og preparasjon
Usminket glede blir en sensasjon, en provokasjon
Mot de som selger masken
milliarder av kroner
som suges rett ut i vasken

De sier
E du knall i padden, helt pling i bollen
Kem slapp deg ut av fødselskontrollen
Du må endre deg selv for å bli perfekt
Å la være vil fremstå som ordrenekt

.
.

-detonatord

Stars

sundoy-puls-2014-beskjaert-kopi

Stars
.

My mind is not empty

but just full of stars

maybe each of them a victory

not all of them are scars

scars only heal

when we allow them to feel

each of them

how deep they´re going

you feel pain

when your sores are mending

you give up and look up

not knowing that the stars

are looking back

they feel it

when you are losing your track

they hold their breath for you

because

they cannot tell you

what is true

but your scars will tell you a story

when healed

they shine with the outmost of glory

.
.

-detonatord

Know Fear

SAMSUNG

Know fear

.
no pain no gain
before you reach the end
you feel you´re going insane
can´t retrain the brain
cause´you´re locked up
in emotional strain
and every try to fix things
is trying in vain

until one day you´re fed up
can´t get your head up
you´ve let yourself down
and you give up
with nothing left to defend
you completely surrend
without knowing
it´s the beginning
it´s not the end

what doesn´t kill you makes you stronger
but you can´t take it any longer
you´re living your life like Sisyfos
behind every victory
is a god damn loss
by now
you think it´s a cross you must bear
you can´t see
it´s been the road to know fear
now
you´re too weary to feel it
you´re one step away
to be able to heal it

you´re fed up
can´t get you´re head up
you´ve let youself down
and you give up
with nothing left to defend
finally
you can completely surrend
knowing
it´s the beginning
and not the end

.
.
-detonatord